WWHHYY

I just returned from a road trip on which I spent 24 hours driving. I didn't mind. Solitary road trips give me time to talk to my Jesus, hear His voice and allow Him to minister to my soul with very few interruptions.

When I drive, I am oddly aware of license plates, signs, billboards--I read everything, and I notice a lot. This time, as I returned from my trip there were two things that stuck out to me more than anything else, two things I believe the Lord used to encourage me. The first one was a license plate that read "WWHHYY" and the second was Orion.

Sundown came at about 5:30pm, so for three hours I drove east on I64 with the constellation of Orion directly in front of me. This has always been my favorite constellation, probably because for me it is the easiest to recognize. But this night the Lord used it to remind me of His words to Job.

Essentially, Job spends most of his time lamenting his sorrows and asking the Lord why this affliction has come upon him, and his amazing friends provide really encouraging answers [insert sound of derision here]. And in chapters 38 & 39 the Lord finally answers Job, beginning with the words, "Where were you...?" The Lord spends two chapters asking Job questions in answer to his main question (Interesting, Jesus often answered questions with questions...)Where were you when I laid the foundations of the earth? Who determined its measurements? Have you commanded the morning? Have the gates of death been revealed to you? Have you entered the treasury of snow? Can you bind the cluster of the Pleiades, or loose the belt of Orion?

I think the Lord proves His point, and quite effectually at that, that He is I AM. He is almighty. He is the Creator of the Universe. He is omnipotent. He is from everlasting to everlasting. He is the ruler over all.

He is not flippantly or meanly dismissing Job here. He is not saying, "I am so big and powerful I don't have to answer you, you tiny, weak, pathetic thing." He is not saying, "Look at all I've done, how dare you question Me?" He is reminding Job of who He is (as well as who Job is not), reassuring him that He is all-powerful, He is in control and He knows exactly what He is doing.

In any "why" question we might present to Him--why did I go through this, why did You allow that to happen, why did I have to suffer this, why do I feel alone, abandoned, rejected, hated, why am I in this situation--we can rest assured that He is in control. And if we know Him, we know that He is good and that He works all things for good for those who love Him and who are called according to His purposes. So we can trust Him, even in the haze and confusion of not understanding why.

Several years ago I heard a prophet say that the Lord doesn't answer the question "Why?" and I think he was both right and wrong. Perhaps He might not explain His specific reasons, but I think everything He does and allows is for His glory. If He gives no other answer for "why?", that is enough. It's for His glory. Because this life is all about Him.

Contentment

 

At this Christmas time, I am realizing more and more the truth of what the Lord spoke to me earlier in this year: Contentment is found in gratitude. 

 
Months ago, when I realized I would still be in the US for Christmas, I began dreading the thought. I did not want to be here at the time and I certainly did not want to celebrate Christmas here, especially after the magical Christmas I had last year in the UK. But as it has approached and now that it’s here, I am incredibly thankful and so much more content than I ever thought I would be at this time. There is nowhere else I would rather be right now.

I realized somewhere along the way that I have a choice. I can be miserable thinking about what I wish I had and don’t, or I can thank the Lord for all that He has given me and be content. Well, I don’t want to be miserable. I am tired of thinking about all that I have lost. I want to appreciate what I have. So I choose to give thanks. A grateful heart prepares the way, that’s how it goes, isn’t it? Enter His gates with thanksgiving. Well, I have so much to be thankful for. As I think of all He has done for me, all He has given me, I realize that the blessings of the Lord really are overwhelming, and the Psalmist was right as he wrote that He daily loads us with benefits.

I will admit that sometimes I need help seeing those benefits and thanking Him for them, but in these days, I see. At this Christmas time, I have discovered that gratitude leads to contentment. As we thank Him for the gifts He has richly bestowed upon us, we are given another gift. As we respond in thanksgiving to Him, He pours out more, and contentment comes.

Not My Will Part III

(Continuation from Not My Will Parts I & II)

Yes, I said it. As we accept His will for our lives, blessings lie just on the other side...but on the other side of what? 

On the other side of the Valley of Baca (Psalm 84).

The finish line lies on the other side of the Valley of Weeping.

This, and this alone, is the road to Zion, the road that takes us Home, and there is no other way to reach the End, which is the true Beginning, but through the valley.

Psalm 84: Blessed is the man whose strength is in You, whose heart is set on pilgrimage. As they pass through the Valley of Baca, they make it a spring; the rain also covers it with pools. They go from strength to strength; each one appears before God in Zion.

We are on a journey, a pilgrimage, as the Psalmist wrote, and the journey most definitely includes trials and tribulations, offenses and afflictions, pain and sorrow.

Sometimes I feel like, rather than going from strength to strength, I’m going from brokenness to brokenness. And it doesn’t matter how much I dislike that fact (and believe me, I don't like it!), this is the road I am on, His road, the Highway of Holiness, the Ancient Path, the road He has presented to me and the road that I have chosen, a road on which I cannot side-step the pain or thwart the affliction. This is His road, and I must embrace everything He has for me on it, brokenness and all.

Why? Because I have said “yes” to Him, and I have come to realize that this is His process. It is the pattern of this life that He has created. It is how He molds us and shapes us. It is how He prepares us for the plans He has for us, for the good works He has ordained for us to do. It is how He makes us fit for Heaven.

So, I have chosen to say “yes” to His will and keep traveling down this road He has marked out for me, embracing each challenge as it comes, which might mean limping from one mile-marker to another.

Obviously, I could have said “no.” And at any point I could put my head down, avoid His gaze and decide I am going to make my own decisions. I could refuse to accept His will for my life and take a different road, go where I want to go, do what I want to do--what feels good, what I think would make me happy. Yeah, I could do that. The problem is, that road doesn’t go through the narrow gate, and that road most certainly does not lead to Zion.

No, it’s the hard road, the road that goes through the Valley of Baca, the path that descends into the Valley of Death to self, that leads to Zion. There is no other way to get there but to travel this road, to say “no” to self and “yes” to Him, declaring over and over and over again, through the brokenness, through the pain, through the affliction, through the suffering, “Not my will, but Yours.”

And His promise in the midst of it all is His Holy Spirit, the Comforter, His presence. He promises to be with us, to walk with us, to carry us when we cannot even limp the remaining distance. He enables us to travel the road, to embrace the challenge, to die to self, helping us up onto the altar of Romans 12:1 and purifying us through the fire. His desire is to refine us until we look like Him, and if we will surrender to Him, He will do the work. Our part is simply to say “yes." To say "yes," and keep walking.

Not My Will Part II

The more I think about my previous post, the more and more frustrated I become. I am so proud of my beautiful friend who has said to the Lord in this situation, “Not my will, but Yours be done,” but what frustrates me is that I should not be amazed as I watch my Christian friends lay down their lives because they want the Lord’s will for their life more than their own will. Because this should be commonplace. This should be the norm.

 As Christians, this is what we sign up for—death to self, taking up our cross and following in the footsteps of Jesus, the One who laid down His life to do the will of His Father in Heaven. This is life in the Way. When we say “Yes,” to Jesus, we are proclaiming Him our Lord, which means He is our Boss. We are not our own masters. He has bought us at a price. He shed His blood as payment, purchasing us for God, which means we no longer belong to ourselves. But yet, we live as though we do. We make decisions based on what we want, on what feels good to us, on what we believe will make us happy, and that often leads to negative, if not disastrous, ends.

Of course, no one wants to deny themselves; no one enjoys doing this. It’s uncomfortable, it’s painful, it doesn’t feel good, it’s contrary to our nature. But this is what we are called to. This is the narrow gate through which we are called. This is basic Christianity.

And this is the challenge, for myself and for the rest of the Kingdom—will we truly embrace the Christian life and do what we have been both commanded and invited to do? Yes, commanded and invited—commanded because it is what He wants and what He has told us to do, and invited because He knows that living according to the Word of the Lord is a powerful blessing for us; it is the best way to live. So will we embrace it? We know it’s hard. That’s why it’s the narrow gate that so few walk through. But will we rise to the occasion and tackle the challenge? Can we stop before we make decisions, before we enter into anything, and ask Him what He wants, what He desires, what His best is for our lives and then be obedient to His response? If the answer is no, well, maybe a bit of re-thinking is in order. If the answer is yes, blessings lie just on the other side...

Not My Will

I have a new hero. I met her earlier this year and immediately was jealous of her. I knew from the minute I saw her that she would be amazing. And of course I was right. She is beautiful, intelligent, funny, adventurous, talented, loves Jesus and is a great friend. But what amazes me most about her is that over the past several months I have watched her say "no" to something I know she wanted because she wanted the will of the Lord for her life more, and that is, I believe, one of the hardest things to do in this life. There was something that she wanted, and could very easily have had, but before diving into it, she stopped and decided to pray, asking the Lord what His heart for her was. At this point, she is now experiencing loss, not receiving what she wanted (and even losing the valued bit that she had). However, she continues to look to the Lord. She believes (and rightly so!) that what He has for her is better than what she wanted for herself. But her heart is still broken, and she continues to grieve her loss.

This is what amazes me. This is what I strive for. This is my desire for myself and for everyone else. And this is what I believe the Lord wants. Not that we would never be happy or have what we want, but that we would say, just as He said in the garden, "Not my will, but Yours be done." This is what pleases Him. It may very well break our hearts, but it is in the brokenness that He comes to us and shows us who He is. This is where depth and strength come from. This is where character is made, and from that springs hope, the anchor of the soul. 

The Other Faces

Speaking of the Day I see His face, lately I've been thinking about the other faces I will see on that Day as well. Don't get me wrong, if it was just the face of Jesus, I would be completely elated for eternity. But there will be other faces too.

One of the greatest things about being part of the Kingdom is that you never really have to say goodbye to those who are also accepted in the Beloved. And that makes me oh-so-happy. I have had some amazing international experiences with people I may very well never see again this side of Heaven. I think most of us have special friends in our past we know we probably won't see again in this lifetime. But there is hope for the future. There are faces I want to see on that Day. I imagine a line of people, obviously Jesus is first and His radiant face will probably be impossible for me to tear my gaze from, but behind Him, there will be others. And there are certain faces I absolutely expect to see. There are people I want to see and be with and spend time with so much, and even if I only ever see them on the flip side, I want them to be there. I expect them to be there. And sometimes I even say to the Lord, "Make sure this person gets there."

Because I miss them. Because they played a special part in my life. Because, for whatever reason, the Holy Spirit saw fit to put me in their lives and to put them in my life and now that they're gone, pieces of my heart are gone as well. But not forever. No, on that Day, on the Day I look full in His wonderful face, I will also see theirs again, and the time, the distance, the pain of separation will be as nothing. After all, we will have eternity together, and that is my hope.

Vulnerability

To write well, I think vulnerability is required, at least if one wants to write effectively, to make an impact, to really say something significant. Like the previous post--probably it would have been enormously better and fantastically clearer had I embraced vulnerability and shared my situation. But I didn't want to. Because right now, I'm just not willing to be vulnerable. I don't want to share my life right now. Honestly, my heart has been broken, and I just want to curl up in a ball and sleep until the pain goes away completely and I can carry on with life as before...but I cannot do that. I am well aware of that fact. So I will keep going, with pain in my heart, knowing that healing takes time, that it is a process and that I am currently walking out that process. Some days are better than others. Some days are just hard. But I press on. I have to.  And to do so, I consider Him, who for the joy that was set before Him (me and you), endured the cross, scorned its shame, and sat down at the right hand of God. I fix my eyes on the Author and the Perfecter of my faith, and like Paul I say I will forget what is behind, and I will strain toward what is ahead to win the prize--Jesus Christ. This is, after all, just a momentary light affliction working in me to eternal weight of glory. And I know, on the Day I see His face, it's going to be worth it all. He is going to be worth it all. Is that vulnerable enough? Doubtful, but that's all you're gonna get.

I Am Not Alone

Louisa May Alcott

L.M. Montgomery
 

I have a friend from my beloved country who is probably the cleverest woman I know. She once shared with me stories of her former relationships, one with a writer and radio announcer who often shared their personal dealings with his audience, which quite obviously upset her. But honestly, although I would never do that, I kind of understand it. I think about relationships more than anything else, the dynamics between people, their individual personalities and what makes people do and say certain things. I am fascinated by people who I just cannot quite figure out, and the more I cannot figure something out,  the more I think about it, analyze it, and try and try to reconcile it in my head. It’s like a puzzle that drives me crazy until all the pieces are in place. And part of the process for me includes writing about it, writings which I mostly keep to myself. But sometimes I feel like sharing.

Well, for a while now I’ve been thinking about some specific things, relational dealings I suppose you could call them, over and over and over again because they just have not made sense to me. Fortunately, I have some wise people in my life, one of whom introduced me to a different perspective of this situation that was constantly rolling around in my mind. I think this conversation was the key that unlocked the entire scenario to me, and I have so much more clarity on it now.

 

There’s a scene in one of my favorite movies, You’ve Got Mail, in which Meg Ryan is writing to her “friend” discussing how something that happened to her reminded her of something she read in a book, and she asks him, “shouldn’t it be the other way around?” Shouldn’t it be that something you read reminds you of something that happened to you? I don’t know the answer to that, but I have recently had the experience where something I read in a book reminded me of something that happened to me. Actually, there were two books that reminded me of this certain situation: Little Women by Louisa May Alcott and Anne of the Island by L.M. Montgomery. Since I’ve gotten clarity about this scenario, I have been better able to look at it, and I find, I am not alone! I have never been in this situation before, but it appears I am not the first to experience it! Of course I didn’t think I was, but when you’re in something you’ve never been in before and you don’t know what is going on or how to navigate the situation, you never think that maybe someone else has had an experience like this. But once you understand what is going on, you realize, this whole thing is as old as time. Ok, maybe not quite that old, but seriously, this is a classic scenario.

My situation, well, I’m not going to share it with you—it is far too personal—but it is similar to those faced by both Jo March and Anne Shirley. What strikes me though is that people wrote this, the situation I've been through and the emotions that followed. For days I have been comparing my situation to one of Jo's. I used to watch the movie and wonder why she was so upset at a certain point. Now I understand. L.M. Montgomery wrote, almost a century ago, exactly what I have experienced, what I thought, what I felt. And yes, it is in the form of fiction, but to write such truth, she must have experienced it. (In fact, looking at her biography, it seems she probably did.).

So I realize that there is nothing new under the sun! Thank you Solomon. Why should I ever think that I am in a situation completely new or foreign just because I have never experienced it before? No, there are people around me, older and wiser, who have experiences from which I can learn. And if not them, well, I can obviously find a book about it somewhere. And whether or not I can glean wisdom from people or books or anything else, I realize there is nothing I can experience that has not already been experienced, and it is simply comforting to realize that I am not alone in this.

No More Marriage

This may be strange, but this is what I’ve been thinking about lately. Most people my age who are single long for the day when they get to get married, and although I’ve been in that place and completely understand what it is like to be in that place, I don’t long for that day. Don’t get me wrong, if the Lord decides to bless me with a partner who I enjoy and I get to work with and walk through life with, fantastic; I will take it and thank Him every day. But that’s not the longing of my heart.

Jesus is the longing of my heart and to be with Him where He is, is what I want more than anything else.

However, there is something else I am looking forward to as well as seeing His face. Not the day of my marriage, but the Day when there is no more marriage. Yeah, I’m weird, I know.

No, here it is. Both my best friend and I have, in the past, found ourselves in situations where we have good guy friends. These are guys we have spent a lot of time with, talking to, hanging out with, cooking with, going places with. They are just friends (at least in our eyes), that’s all we want from them, and we truly value their friendship. Then, the guy becomes interested in a girl, inevitably begins thinking about a relationship with her, including the possibility of marriage, and everything changes. And that is the struggle. We know from that point on our friendships with them will change, and then we have to walk through it. It’s a challenge from the beginning knowing that we will not be able to spend as much time with them or talk with them to the same degree, knowing that the closeness we once shared will no longer be. Yeah, it’s a struggle, but that is the nature of human relationships.

And that makes me excited about heavenly relationships and the Day there is no more marriage.

Honestly, I don’t know what it will be like on that Day, after the last trumpet sounds and the beautiful City comes down out of Heaven. I don’t know what relationships will be like, but I imagine, in a place where we know there is no more sorrow, crying or pain, they will be glorious. When we are completely satisfied in Him, I think our friendships will be so pure and unadulterated, most certainly to a degree that we cannot imagine now. And I can't wait for that. Oh, and also,  I can't wait to have my own mansion, eat all the chocolate I want, and have the ability to translate from place to place in simply a moment. Yeah, I am looking forward to all of that!

The Blessing of Halloween--Whaaaat??

 

              Some Christians enjoy Halloween, some don't. Say what you will about the day, but as I walked around the town I currently live in this evening, a strange town at that, I noticed something interesting. This “holiday,” technically All Saints Day eve, has managed to do something that the Church has not been able to, at least not here. This historic Southern city which sits quite nicely upon a pleasant bay, has a population consisting of upper-middle class white people and lower class black people. And they don't mix. After being in this town just a few days, I had quickly figured out which streets were which—which were white, which were black, and which one was both. Because, like I said, these two just don’t mix.

                Earlier this week I had an interesting discussion with the woman who comes twice a month to clean the house I currently live in. By the way, she’s white, as am I. We both grew up with black friends, and for me, Hispanic and Asian as well, and we have both found the distinct racial separation in this city disturbing. As we were talking I made a comment about how I noticed these two people groups don’t really integrate here. She responded, saying that the black people in this area will rarely look at the white people as they pass them on the sidewalks. And they almost never say hello. I noticed this too. And I don’t like it.

For the most part, the white stay in their nice houses. The black stay in their neck of the woods. And just like hot and cold water faucets in England, the two just never come together. The reason I don’t like it is that both people groups, the white and the black, are missing out on something the other has to give. I’m not even going to mention that sometimes white people (especially women) are quite frankly afraid of black people (mostly men)—oh wait, I just said that—but I believe there are lines that haven’t been crossed because of fear of the unknown. The African American culture is very different from the European American culture, and the people in this area have kept themselves to themselves, content with what they know, with what is comfortable for them. And so, in my opinion, they miss out. I think both groups of people have something to give and something to receive, something with which to bless the other and something to learn. But unfortunately, the two groups just don’t normally come together.

Except tonight. Tonight, when it’s all about the kids (and for the kids, it’s all about the candy). It was strange, but delightfully so, to see black people with their super cute little Spidermans and princesses and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and Renaissance ladies-in-waiting and even a working traffic light (no joke!) walking down the street mixing with white people sitting out on their porches waiting for them with candy. People were smiling and talking and integrating; this doesn’t usually happen. The older white people, because mostly here they are older, demonstrably enjoyed the lively young ones, who politely approached them with the traditional “Trick or treat!” and the parents of the children were able to meet the pleasant white people who live just a few blocks from them but who they rarely encounter. So whatever your opinions about Halloween, today has positively brought people of different races and economic statuses together, something that even the Church has not been able to accomplish, not in this neighborhood. And from what I have seen, both groups have been uniquely blessed.

Wasting Time

 

Is anybody else tired of wasting time? I know that what I have done and been through in my life has been valuable and it was all allowed and used by the Lord. But sometimes, I really feel I could be more effective for the Kingdom. I have to be careful about who I say that to though because there are people who would get offended by that comment. Mostly they are people who know that they too could be more effective for the Kingdom, but they enjoy their lives and don’t want to think about it too much. So, I try to keep it quiet. But I will tell you, I want to do more. And I’m going to. The Lord is opening doors for me to go and do and I am excited about that. But sometimes, I look around and see people with large callings on their lives just…sitting….wasting time…allowing society and our western culture to numb them to what God has called them to. And these are people who know what God has called them to, yet still, they just sit…waiting for…what? I don’t know.

As I seek the Lord in this season of rest, which it currently is for me (and let me tell you, seasons of rest are absolutely necessary in the Kingdom), I increasingly feel like a race horse standing at the starting gate, waiting for the door to open so I can bolt out. I’m ready to run. And I am reminded of two things. The first is Keith Green. Most people younger than me have no idea who he is. But he was a prophetic Christian leader and songwriter who I believe truly impacted the Kingdom. (Don’t believe me? Read his biography) But you know what? He was a Christian less than 10 years before the Lord took him home. His wife said that he always had a sense of urgency about him, as if he knew his time was short. And it was. At the age of 28 he and two of his young children died in a plane crash in Texas. But while he lived, he made a difference.

The other thing I am reminded of is an encounter a man named Mike Bickle had with the Lord once when he was a young man in his early 20’s. He was a Christian preacher during this time, trying his best to be what he thought he was supposed to be, doing what he thought he was supposed to be doing, trying to read the Word, forcing himself to pray, but mostly just going to Church meetings, planning this, that and the other.  But in this encounter, he stood before the Lord as if it was the end of his life and the Lord said to him, “You’re saved, but your life was wasted.” I’ve heard Mike tell this story and still the sense of regret he had at these words is so tangible to him, even 35 years later. This encounter drastically changed his life and his story convicted me when I heard it. I may not know much, but I know one thing, I don’t want to waste my life.

So I will go. My desire is to do the will of my Father in Heaven and to accomplish every purpose He has for my life. Whatever that means.  I want to join Paul in saying that I desire to know Him and the power of His resurrection and share with Him in the fellowship of His sufferings. And I will look to that Day, the Day I see His face knowing that everything I have gone through on this earth, every trial, every ounce of suffering is made worthwhile, because He is worth it all. But in the meantime, I get to partner with Him in the glorious work He is doing on this earth. What a privilege! The Creator of the universe has invited me to work with Him! Which means I have to get on with my Father’s business! Because whether I have 50 years left or not, my time is short and I refuse to waste it.

 

 

God Most High

Stir a fire in us

With Your power inside

We won't waste our lives

 

God Most High

Strong and mighty in us

Be our passion, our prize

We won't waste our lives



Sun Stand Still (Elevation Worship)

 

Ladies, Don't Settle

Watch this: I Will Wait For You

BY JANETTE IKZ

So it seemed that it was cool, for everyone to be in a relationship but me.
So I took matters into my own hands, and ended up with him,
him who displayed the characteristics of a cheater, a liar, an abuser, & a thief.

So why was I surprised when he broke into my heart?
I called 911, but I was cardiac arrested for aiding and abetting,
Cause it was me who let him in…
Claiming we were “just friends”.
It was already decided for me by the first date, that even if he wasn’t!
I was gonna make him “The one.”
You know, I was tired of being alone.
And I simply made up in my mind, that it was about that time,

So I decided to drag him along for the ride,
Cause I was always the bridesmaid & never the bride.
A virgin in the physical, but mentally just a grown woman on the corner in heat
Who was tired of the wait!
So I was gonna make him “The one.”
He had a… form of Godliness… but not much.
But hey, hey I can change him! So I’ll TAKE him, I mean he’s close… enough.
Ready to sell my aorta for a quarter, not knowing the value of its use to me.
Arteries so clogged with my will, it blocked His will from flowing through me.
So, I thank Christ that His blood pressure gave this heart an attack,
That flat-lined my obscured vision, put me flat on my back
Through my ignorance He saw,
Through my sternum He sawed & cracked open my chest
To transplant Psalm 51:10
A new heart & a renewed right spirit within!

So now I fully understand,
Better yet I thoroughly comprehend,
How much I need to wait… for you.
See, the bad thing is that I knew he wasn’t you from the beginning..
Cause in the beginning was the Word
And he didn’t even sound or shine like Your Son
Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks,
And all he could whisper was sweet, empty nothings –
Which meant NOTHING.
He couldn’t even pray what I needed him to,
Asking him to fast would be absurd!
So forget about being cleansed & washed with water through the Word…
But I know you..
You were already praying for me.
Even never having met me,
Let me assure you, I will wait for you.

I will no longer date, socialize or communicate with carbon copies of you
To appease my boredom or to quench my thirstiness I have for attention
And short-lived compliments from ‘sorta kindas’.
You know….
He ‘sort kinda’ right, but ‘sorta kinda’ wrong?
His first name LUKE,
His last name WARM.
I won’t settle for false companionship
I won’t lay in the embrace of his arms,
Attempting to find some closeness,
But never feeling so far apart cause, I just wanna be held
Cause ”all I gotta do is Say” No!
No more ‘almost sessions’ of ‘almost coming close’
Passing winks & buying drinks,
I’ma, I’ma, I’ma flirt!
Who flirts with the ideology of,
‘Can you just tell me how much I can get away with & still be saved?’
NO more.
I’ll stay in my bed alone, and write poems, about how I will wait for you.
He won’t even come close,
Our fingers won’t even interlock
We won’t even exchange breath
Cause I have thoughts that I’ve ‘saved as’ in a file that God has only equipped you to open.

I will no longer get weighted down,
From so-called friends & family talks,
About the concern for my biological clock
When I serve the Author of Time.
Who is NOT subject to time,
But I’M subject to Him,
He has the ability to STOP, FAST FORWARD, PAUSE, or REWIND at any given time…

So if we could role play,
You would be Abraham & I would be Sarah
Or you could be Isaac & I can be Rebecca – a servant’s answer to prayer
I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh,
Made up of your rib Adam!
And once we meet, like electrons
I will be bound to your nucleus, completely indivisible atom.
We even speak the same math: 1 + 1 + 1 = 3, which really equals 1 if you add ‘em.
We were all created in His image,
But you have the ability to reflect, project & even detect the Son.
If I were to explain what you looked like,
You would have to look like a star,
A son of the Son..
I would gain energy simply from the light that you shine on me.
I would need you , in order to complete my photosynthesis
I await your revelation, but once again from the genesis, I will wait for you.

And I will know you… because when you speak I will be reminded of Solomon’s wisdom,
Your ability to lead will remind me of Moses,
Your faith will remind me of Abraham,
Your confidence in God’s Word will remind me of Daniel,
Your inspiration will remind me of Paul,
Your heart for God will remind me of David,
Your attention to detail will remind me of Noah,
Your integrity will remind me of Joseph,
And your ability to abandon your own will, will remind me of the disciples,
But your ability to love selflessly & unconditionally will remind me of Christ.
But I won’t need to identify you by any special Matthews or any special Marks,
Cause His word will be tatted all over your heart.

And you will know me, and you will find me,
Where… the boldness of Esther meets the warm closeness of Ruth.
Where the hospitality of Lydia is aligned with the submission of Mary,
Which is engulfed in the tears of a praying Hannah.
I will be the one, drenched in Proverbs 31… waiting for you.

But to my Father, my Father who has known me before I was birthed into this earth
Only if You should see fit…
I desire Your will above mine,
So even if You call me to a life of singleness,
My heart is content with YOU – the One who was sent.
YOU are the greatest love story ever told,
The greatest love ever known
You are forever my judge & I’m forever Your witness
And I pray that I’m always found on a mission about my Father’s business
Oh, I will always be Yours!
And I will always wait for You Lord, more than the watchmen wait for the morning,
More than the watchmen wait for the morning…

I will wait.

Be Here

One thing the Lord has been speaking to me over and over again in this season is a simple two word command: “Be here.” I am part of a generation that has gotten itself sucked into something our grandfathers would have never imagined and I believe, would have abhorred. It’s the propensity to not be where we are. And unfortunately, that is enabled by the very thing that lies next to our heads every night, the very thing that travels with us everywhere we go, the very thing that is always at our fingertips—our phones. I am not condemning phones or the advantages they provide. The communication available through phones is quite frankly phenomenal. However, I have been in so many situations, sitting in a room full of friends, going out to dinner with my family, and what am I doing? I am existing in another realm, completely oblivious to what is going on around me, and texting someone thousands of miles away, who I could probably text later when I’m not in a room full of friends or out with my family. I am not “here,” I am “there.” And that, I believe, is not the Lord’s heart.

When we do this not only is it incredibly rude and boring for the people we are with who are being considerate and not texting someone somewhere else (If you do this, don’t think I’m condemning you, we have all done it…a lot…), but it steals from us. We miss out on the very people the Lord has put in our lives at this precise moment in time. There is a reason you are where you are. There is a reason you are with the people you are with. I read once (I think in this book) that there is no one you cannot learn something from, and I think it’s true. But how can we learn from people we ignore, preferring instead to communicate only with the people we choose to communicate with, those on the other ends of our phones?  

Part of “being here,” is recognizing the gift of where you are. That means recognizing that you are where you are at the moment you are because the Lord has something for you in it. And you will probably miss it if your head is buried in your phone. Part of “being here,” is being grateful for where you are. If you recognize that it is a gift to be where you are, wherever you are and with whomever you are, you will be grateful for it. If you spend your hours existing in another realm, investing more in what is on your phone (or on the other side of your phone) than in the people around you, you are missing out, my friend. I want to learn from people, I want to bless people, I want to be challenged by people, I want to enjoy people. And the people the Lord has put me with at this time are the ones He wants to use right now for those purposes.

I’m not saying don’t invest in friendships with people you can only communicate with through technology. I have a lot of friendships like that, and I am so thankful for technology that allows me to keep in contact with those friends because I’m not willing to let those friendships go. But I am saying, don’t sacrifice the relationships with the people in the same room as you to do it. I believe relationships are eternal and that one day we will be held accountable for how we have handled them. Let’s get the balance right and invest the best way possible.

 

From a Chair to a Pillar

You know, when the Lord kicks out our props, He does it on purpose. Believe it or not, there are times He actually causes us to fall. "Heresy," I hear you say. No, it's not. Listen. You know why He does it? It’s not so He can be cruel and watch our lives fall to pieces and then look down and say, “I told you to make me your everything.” No, it’s so He can catch us and in that, show us His power. He doesn’t want us relying on anything else but Him because He is the best and He wants the best for us.

 

Think of a chair. It has four legs. Say He is one leg, but my significant other is one, my method of income is one and my health is one. I am not completely relying on Him, am I? But He wants me to rely on Him completely. So what does He do? He starts taking things away. Maybe my boyfriend leaves me. Things at work are in shambles; nothing is going the way I planned, and I’m afraid I will lose my job. To make things worse, I need to have my gallbladder removed. Little by little, He breaks the legs, and the chair begins to fall over. I have no control; the chair is going to fall. It cannot stand on just one leg. So it topples, on a crash-course; destination: obliteration.

But just before the chair of my life hits the ground, that’s when He catches me, if I’ll let Him. He doesn’t want me crashing to the ground. He doesn’t want my life in shattered pieces. He wants to stretch out His mighty hands and lift me back up. He wants to be my full support. He wants to be my pillar. This is where He shows His power. This is where He reveals more of His character. That’s what He wants. And through what will no doubt be a painful process, He takes what used to be the chair of my life, and He makes it into a mighty pillar, a rock on which I get to stand. He shapes and molds me and my life so that there’s only one thing supporting me now, and He will not fail. No one can knock Him over. No one can take Him away.

There are times we go through pruning seasons, seasons we feel we have lost so much. But it has purpose in our lives. There is a reason and He has a strategy. I don’t know much about gardening, my mother can attest to that, but I do know, when a gardener prunes, he does it so that the plant can bear more fruit. He removes some buds. He takes away some of the fruit. And the plant in turn produces more fruit. It’s exactly what He does with us. He takes away a little, so we can bear much more. He wants more for us. Always. So if you’ve been in a pruning season, if the Lord has removed some things, some people, from your life, ask Him why. Probably He has taken them away because He has better for you and He has more for you. Trust in His goodness and allow Him to be your pillar, your strength so that in Him, you can never be knocked over.

For You, O God, have tested us;

You have refined us as silver is refined.

You brought us into the net;

You laid affliction on our backs.

You have caused men to ride over our heads;

We went through fire and through water;

But You brought us out to rich fulfillment.

Psalm 66: 10-12

He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother

I have got to share a story with you. My mom just this morning pulled some books for me from her eclectic collection of paperbacks that she thought I might like. Apparently my writing reminds her of a specific author, but you know, “it could use some work.” I don't doubt that. She recommended one book, and I began reading it this afternoon. It’s the story of a man on a journey through the darkness of depression, and the commentary of his experience in a psychiatric ward really spoke to my heart. I have friends who are…going through some stuff, shall we say. And, having just been through some stuff myself, although nothing nearly as dark as this author’s journey, I understand a little bit better, and my desire is to stand with them, in encouragement, support, intercession, however I can. And I also have friends on the other side who are standing with their friends who are struggling in the same manner.

So, if you’re in the first boat and have some “stuff” going on, be encouraged: you are not alone. Even if it looks like no one is standing with you, I bet there is. In fact I know One who is absolutely fighting for you. And if you’re in the second boat, be encouraged. Your fight for your friend(s) definitely makes a difference.

We are one Body, so as Paul wrote, let us “bear one another’s burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ,” (Galatians 6:2). Which law is that? The law of Love.

“In the dark days when Christ came to me as I lay there on my mat in the glare of the brake lights—or was it in the dust, begging alms at the city gate, or beside the pool whose waters promised healing if only I could reach them in time, or along the road where one could make mud for the eyes from spittle and dirt, or on the road to Mary and Martha’s house, where the crowd jockeyed for position and a good seat, or in the tomb with Lazarus himself, wrapped in bandages, beginning to rot, alone in the dark—on the day when Christ said to me, “Do you want to be healed?” it was Norma who kept saying yes, not me. I was too tired, too ill, too afraid, too uncertain, too ready to die. It was Norma and my sister and my friends and a couple dozen strangers who took me to the Healer.

     “'Your faith has made you whole,' said Jesus to one He had healed. In fact, in many cases [ex. Mark 2:5-12] it was the faith of those who came running through the town to tell the cripple that the Healer was nearby and convinced him that it was worth the effort to try and get there. It was the faith of those who carried the litter, pushed through the crowd, tore off the roof tiles, lifted the litter, struggled across the roof in the sun, lowered the rope, and ran downstairs to tell Jesus that the man who was coming through the roof was ready to be healed, whether the man knew it or not. It was their faith, or hope or desire or concern or wild dream or crazy idea, or something. In the end, it was their love for the cripple that made him whole."

--Robert Benson, Between the Dreaming and the Coming True

I have a friend, a brother I love dearly. That boy is 200lbs and one day, he jumped on my back. I was shocked I didn't immediately fall over. But, silly me, I tried to walk. I couldn't even take one step. Literally, not one step. But this, I can do. In Christ Jesus, I am strong enough for this. It may be a long road, but you know, the load doesn't weigh me down, 'cause he's my brother.
 

          "He Ain't Heavy, He's My Brother"

The road is long
With many a winding turn
That leads us to who knows where
Who knows when
But I'm strong
Strong enough to carry him
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

So on we go
His welfare is of my concern
No burden is he to bear
We'll get there
For I know
He would not encumber me
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

If I'm laden at all
I'm laden with sadness
That everyone's heart
Isn't filled with the gladness
Of love for one another

It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother

He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother...

 
He Ain't Heavy... (The Hollies)

Our God is fighting for us always! Open Up Our Eyes (Elevation)
 

Grace

More about change later…

I’m realizing more and more that I am on a journey. And so is everyone around me. I was made by the Master Craftsman, but you know, He is still working on me. I am not finished by any means. I’m not even close. There are so many flaws in me, broken pieces and sharp corners, places that need to be smoothed, places that need to be fixed. And I’m coming to the conclusion that I need more grace. For others but also for myself.

I have always had high standards for others as well as for myself. And consequently, I get disappointed a lot. But taking a moment out of my disappointment to reflect, I am hit with the thought that some who have disappointed me really are trying their best. It wasn’t their motivation or intention to disappoint me; probably it has more to do with a lack of maturity, and even more than that, it has to do with the expectations I placed on them (whether I realized I was placing expectations on them or not). Granted, they are responsible for their actions, and there is always room for growth. But I’m learning that I need to have grace for them. I think that’s related to my earlier post Love Endures. I read today in Proverbs 19 that “the discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.” Overlooking a transgression. That’s grace. That’s the love that endures all things. I’m not advocating the lack of accountability or communication in our relationships. I’m not saying we should take our disappointments and sweep them under the rug and pretend we were never hurt. But to learn to take our hearts to the Lord, ask Him to help us forgive those who have disappointed us and then extend grace to those people. The Lord will work on their hearts; that’s not our job.

Our job is to cultivate our hearts and care for our own vineyards (Song of Solomon 1). We don’t have to have it together all the time. And it’s foolishness to pretend that we do. I think maturity is admitting to ourselves that sometimes we are a mess and we need Jesus to come and help. That’s extending grace to ourselves. And I think we need more of it. Not to excuse our bad behavior or our sin, but to do our best to honor the Lord and others in all we do, knowing sometimes we’re going to slip, but also knowing He reaches down with His mighty right hand and He picks us back up. Every time. I was reminded recently of something one of my friends says so often: He is so faithful He will not leave us as we are. It’s true. He is committed to this work of art He started. The Author and Perfecter of our faith will indeed finish the good work He began in us. And believe it or not, it is His joy to do so.

Encouragement:
Mainstream Wait and See (Brandon Heath)
Old School :) Please Be Patient with Me (Albertina Walker)
 

 



Change Ahead Part II: Change Comes When...

Ok. You were in the desert. You hated it. You couldn’t stay there. You were desperate for change. So what did you do? You took matters into your own hands. You thought it couldn’t get any worse. But you’re quickly discovering you were wrong. Your situation just got harder, and you know it’s because of the choice(s) you made. Now instead of wandering around the wilderness, you’re at the bottom of a 10-foot hole, still stuck in the desert. You know you dug your own ditch, and it just seems to be getting deeper and deeper no matter what you do. You are sinking and sinking fast. What now?

Well, let me tell you my friend.

You look up. You come to Him. You approach the Throne of Grace. You humble yourself before the Mercy Seat. You know there is no shame in His presence? Not an ounce. That’s not the way He works. Conviction, yes. Shame, absolutely not. Repentance is necessary. Accusation—there is none.

If you find yourself in this position, and chances are that you either have or you will or both, the best wisdom is: Get into His Presence. There is nothing He cannot fix. He is our Redeemer, and that does not stop at the cross. He is the Repairer of Broken Things. He is our Defender, the One who fights on our behalf, and both the battle and the victory are His. Of course He is going to fight on your behalf; you are His Beloved child!

But first things first. He will want to deal with your heart and the motivating factor that led you to make the, let’s say, not so wise choice(s) you made. It’s not your circumstance or situation that concerns Him as much as what is in your heart that led you there.

Perhaps it was a lack of wisdom. You made a foolish choice, but you didn’t even realize it was foolish at the time. And now you’re paying for it.

 Perhaps you don’t truly believe He is good and has good things for you, so you tried to get good things for yourself, only it turned out what you thought was good was in actuality, terrible. You are not alone and you are not the first to do so (or the last!).

Perhaps you just got tired of waiting, and thought “Anything is better than nothing.” But maybe now you’ve reconsidered, would like to turn back the clock and have nothing rather than the “something” you’re stuck with.

It honestly doesn’t matter what it is; He just wants to deal with it. And He will do that by showing you who He is. That’s what changes us, revelation of Him. So if we want change, we have got to get into His Presence and allow Him to reveal Himself to us, to reveal His love, His goodness, His faithfulness. You know, He is so committed to you. He gave His Son for you! There ain’t anyone else on the planet, at any point in history who would be willing to do that for you (well, no sane person at least…).

If you want change, you have to embrace the fact that change comes when He changes us. The same “us” in different circumstances will be the same; there will be no change. We will, again, find ourselves at the bottom of a pit we can blame no one but ourselves for digging. But the great thing is, He can leave us in the exact same situation, change us, and everything changes.

Along the way, He will of course change our circumstances and our situations as well. He will lead us where He wants us. But He won’t do it to get us out of the hole. He will do it to bless us, to challenge us, to grow us, to reveal His glory in greater ways, because after all, it’s all about Him.

 Remember, this too will pass. He will strengthen you as you wait on Him (Isaiah 40) and your situation is not hopeless. But if you need encouragement for the moment:
 You're An Overcomer (Mandisa)

Change Ahead

Isaiah 43: 18-19

                Do not remember the former things,

                Nor consider the things of old.

                Behold, I will do a new thing,

                Now it shall spring forth;

                Shall you not know it?

                I will even make a road in the wilderness

                And rivers in the desert.

 

I had this thought the other day: You know why the Lord makes a road in the wilderness? So we can get out!

Just imagine being out in the desert, stumbling around with absolutely no idea which way to go, walking in circles, this way and that, no sign, no landmark, nothing to give direction. But if there was a road...if there was a road, you could get out.

But who makes the road? He makes the road. And when does He make it? In His perfect timing.

Often as we are left in a wilderness season it’s easy to simply decide we are tired of waiting on Him to make the road. We’re in the middle of the hot and stinking desert, we’re sick of being there, so we head out. We pick a direction and we start walking.

Maybe we feel He just didn’t show up, so we have to take matters into our own hands. He didn’t make a road. He doesn’t see that we’re there, dying of thirst, about to faint from the heat of the day. He doesn’t care. We’re all alone. And if we stay here any longer in this barren wasteland, we are going to die.

Some people say that’s usually about the time He shows up. But, for me, I have not found that to be true. Some people call Him the God of 11:59pm. For me, it has usually been 12:03. He comes after the breaking point. He comes, not in the nick of time, but when I am beyond what I thought I could handle, after I’ve reached a place darker and more desperate than I’ve ever been, than I ever thought I could reach.

That’s when I find the road. His road.

But sometimes, instead of waiting on Him to make the road, we decide we’re going to make our own road. We embrace the human mindset that says: “I want change. Therefore, I have to change things.” Oh the mess we can make of our lives when we decide NOT to wait on God, and maybe some version of this song goes through our minds:
 

I see no changes. Wake up in the morning and I ask myself,
"Is life worth living? Should I blast myself?"
We gotta make a change...
It's time for us as a people to start makin' some changes.
Let's change the way we eat, let's change the way we live
and let's change the way we treat each other.
You see the old way wasn't working so it's on us to do
what we gotta do, to survive...Some things will never change

 Of course, it makes complete sense to our earthly minds. If you want something to change, you make a change. It looks good even: let’s change the way we eat, live, and treat each other. Obviously the old way isn’t working, so it’s on us to do what we’ve got to do. It’s on us.

But it’s not on us. That’s the whole point. As Christians, we are not in charge, to put it simply. We are not our own masters. It is not up to us. It is up to Him, Jesus Christ, the One we proclaim as Lord. If He truly is Lord (aka the Boss), we must submit to His leadership and allow Him to make the change. Which means allowing Him to keep us in the wilderness until His perfect timing comes to pass and He creates the road to get us out. We must trust in His goodness, knowing He will not leave us there a second longer than we can handle being there. Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s painful. But He is with us in the midst of it, and as we turn our eyes to look upon Him, He will meet us there and His Presence, His grace will sustain us and He will lead us out. He WILL.

If you're in a wilderness season, I dare you to trust Him to make a road in your desert and to lead you out of it. I can guarantee that the results will be far better than what you would produce if you took matters into your own hands. He is GOOD; look to Him, wait on Him, put yourself in His presence, and trust Him.

 

"For since the beginning of the world

Men have not heard nor perceived by the ear,

Nor has the eye seen any God besides You,

Who acts for the one who waits for Him."

         Isaiah 64:4

Don't give up, don't give in. If you don't quit, you'll win. Cuz He's Gonna Turn It All Around (Misty Edwards)